Open RP Post

[thecrowingtobe]

Open post for any and all PSLs for Claudio Kilgannon of the Amory Wars.

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[thecrowingtobe]

He had been avoiding a bit, yeah. Yeah, he maybe shouldn't. He maybe should say something, but you know how freaked out he gets when he learns of a new power. And fuck, this one freaked him out pretty hard. For a month now.

He'd realized what had happened. He realized what he had done. Not because he had done it to Trauma, but because while in the city he had done it to someone else also. An angry complaint, a fight, and a glow of eyes, telling someone to go jump off a god damn building. Actually, he said to jump off SERO Tower...

To which the next day there was news about a man who had taken his life... by jumping off the SERO tower.

Claudio had felt cold ever since that moment. Cold and a little lost and so very guilty. He hadn't told anyone about THAT, and he had figured out what had happened. He wanted to talk to Trauma about it but...

...but he had realized that the man wasn't the first person he had done that too. Trauma was.

He felt cold over it. Colder then having forced someone to take their life. Colder then the coldest winter, or so he felt. And there was NO way he could tell any of them either. Not with the wedding coming up. Not with how HAPPY and nervous Jinx was. He was there for them, though he couldn't focus on Trauma, because there was guilt there. Awkward guilt.

Jinx had asked if things were alright at one point, but he gave her his best smile and a kiss to the forehead, 'Of course, Princess. Everything is going to be fine. You just worry about you and enjoy.' He'd told her, and he tried to chill out more.

Chilling out might have helped, a bit, if he still didn't feel guilty. If he could figure out how to talk to the other with out flat out fear of what to do or say to Trauma. He had someone kill themselves. That was bothersome on it's own. Actually THAT should upset him more then anything else, but it was fucking with Trauma's head and not even realizing it until late like this that was killing him.

And he knows he's just making it worse by waiting. He knew it was stupid. A simple conversation and apology and a soft plea for help might have been good. Instead he got... more elusive.

Smart.

In their room he was digging around for some art supplies, on his knees and pawing through his art drawer. When the door opened with a What The Fuck he blinked, looking up... seeing the red eyes and angry look. The voided out gray of the room that was... actually pretty strong and wide out there.

He stood swiftly, looking worried a moment, moving a few steps closer to the other, eyes wide. "Fuck, Trauma, what the hell?" He asked more worried that something happened then he was mad. There was no reason to be mad, right? Clearly something was wrong and Trauma was upset. Upset and angry and there was something up. Claudio wanted to help...

[mademyhell]

"Was it one of those stupid core breaks?" Trauma said, starting into the conversation like they were on the same page. They weren't and he knew it. And that's why he was angry. The room had gone cold around Trauma as he didn't even try to reign back in. He couldn't do anything to Claudio, anyway. What was the point of worrying. But something was clearly wrong here and Claudio had just continued on as if...

He was practically radiating energy for once and his eyes were lit up out of the dark.

He was....Angry didn't cut it. He didn't get angry much anymore, not outside of himself, not in any kind of way that actually effected another person, but here he was, making things worse.

"Did it do something to me? Is that why things have been-..." Trauma paused. "Whatever this was, you knew. Didn't you? That's why you've been-....And you didn't tell me. Why the hell would you let me keep thinking-"

The backlight faded out suddenly and at least it was easier to tell where he was looking when his eyes weren't outright glowing.

Trauma stood there a moment practically snarling in a horrific mix of hurt and anger that rankled, and finally in lieu of having to explain what the fuck was wrong, Trauma threw the NV at him.

"Tell me why I didn't remember this." Trauma said, evenly through the distortion in his anger. "Short sentences. Make me understand."

[thecrowingtobe]

Okay, that was a bit freaky. He had to admit that to himself. The eyes and the dark and the gray and the COLD that hit him. That was.... weird. Not new, but a bit new. It actually made him shiver a bit as it hit him. Holy crap.

"Trauma?" He had said a bit confused, eyes a little wide at first. Did it do what? Did what do what? What didn't he tel--right. He's not that stupid. He knows where this is coming from, and oh god, he's in so much trouble isn't he?

He stood there, deer in the headlights look and unable to process words. Then he jumped as the NV hit him, in the head. His hand catching it as it started to fall, the other hand reaching up to cup over his forehead and temple. "FucK! It's not what you... it's... It's not that I---fuck." He rubbed at his face and backed up a few steps in the room. There was panic running through him now, eyes wide.

Oh god, oh god, he either knew about the guy and the tower, or he knew about the... about his... thing, with... oh crap. Fuck. Shit. He didn't know what to say. He'd been hiding this for a bit now and... shit.

"It's not what you think, man. I swear. I don't think it's a ... ah, the Core or, or I don't know, maybe it is a Core break, or ... or something." So much for short sentences that help others understand, huh.

And it's not like he's scared OF Trauma, but god damn he could be freaky. For Claudio it wasn't the fear of the man or what he could do, but the fear that he knows now. That he knows and he hates him. That he wants to kill him doesn't actually scare him, because maybe he should. Or at least leave. Or make HIM leave. Maybe that would be all that happens. He'd be told to leave. He'd go to Michael and Jubes. He's go somewhere else and let Trauma breath and.... maybe... maybe he'd take him back.

But at the moment he was sure he wouldn't get off that easy, ever. "I swear. I didn't know what happened. I didn't know man. It just happened and then it happened again and I swear, I don't know if it did something but oh god, how do you know about it?"

Nope, that might not have been the best rambling sentence to have said.

[mademyhell]

Trauma just stood there, watching through his ramble half snarling and glaring at him through his bangs, red eyes narrowed and just tilting his head as things began to dawn on him.

"I read it. And then I started-" Trauma paused again. "You did this? How. You made-"

Trauma just stopped and stared at him, actually looking worried and upset more than angry all of a sudden. His eyes wide and red and horrified.

"You made me forget." Trauma said, lowly, and quiet. Like it was dawning on him and leaving him more torn apart than enraged. "You made me-...And then you just let me go on like..."

Like all of this was his fault. Like he'd been the one to break things. Claudio had let him believe he'd fucked up another good thing in his life for weeks It was enough to make Trauma feel sick. And it fucking hurt. The shadows stopped flickering but they just existed as a deadspace around him. Weeks, he'd thought this was all because he'd fucked up again. He'd died, he'd left, and then thing had gone wrong. And he'd thought it was finally too much. He'd finally been too much to deal with. He'd expected it. He'd practically predicted it and had been giving him space because of it and-

Trauma's eyes flickered back into orange light and he took two steps forward before punching Claudio right in the face.

[thecrowingtobe]

Oh god, oh god, oh god. He doesn't know what is going on now. Trauma knows but he doesn't know how he knows, and it's not about the guy, or maybe it is but maybe it's not and he doesn't know when things went wrong, and he was so sure that if he didn't say anything that it would be alright so long as he figured out how to forget about it himself but that was part of the issue wasn't it? That was what the problem was. He made the other forget, or change or, or, or god he didn't know what he did.

He was having an internal freak out. That was for sure.

He opened his mouth to speak, choked back on it as he heard the tone of the others voice and felt like his heart was breaking. Oh god, oh god, oh god, he's so mad and he has every right to, because he didn't tell him what he did, and he had done it, and he's horrible.

"Trauma... I..." He started, only to be hit, right in the face. He stumbled back, foot caught on the bed edge and falling backwards into it, half his back hitting the wall at the head of it with a hard thud. His hands came up to hold his face, trying not to howl but choking on a groan. "Ffffffffffuck!" He hissed, hands both over his face and growled out words.

"Fuck! I didn't DO it on purpose! Ow, fuck, shit... you had ta hit me in the damn face didn't you!?" He protested, curling up to a knee unless the other advanced on him. He's not even sure where to start now.

[mademyhell]

Trauma just stood there rubbing at his knuckles and thinking about how little that had helped even with everything else.

"Yes. I did" he said. Almost monotone, and watching Claudio down his nose. He couldn't remember feeling this hurt in a long time. The last time it had felt anything like this he'd shifted into having a knife in his chest and Jerry staring at him in horror.

"Tell me it was an accident." Trauma said finally after watching him for a long moment. He sounded tired and horrible in the middle of all of this. His voice was a mess of distortion and his eyes remained red even as the orange light dimmed. "Powers accidents I get- but if you-"

If he'd changed things in Trauma's head just because? He wasn't sure how he was going to deal with that.

[thecrowingtobe]

Had that happened at all before this? Honestly he couldn't recall a time that Trauma was the one to throw a punch, and that was a damn hard punch. Sometimes he forgot that Trauma had gone through some shitty boot camp at one point.

His hand held his nose, and because nothing in life can ever be easy, and because he had broken his nose so many times before, this time was no different in the fact that his nose was bleeding. Thankfully it wasn't broken! Just... bleeding and god damn sore. Fuuuuck.

He tried to take in a sharp breath, sitting there with his back half in the bed and in the wall, hands over his nose and mouth, and eyes staring up at the other. "It was an accident!" He barked out under his hand. Oh god that hurt.

He scrambled to sit up more against the wall, leaning forward on his knees, hand over his bloody face still. Fuck, fuck, fuck. "It was an accident, I swear." He said with a slurred tone. "I didn't even realize it till later, i swear."

He tucked his head into his knees and closed his eyes harder. Trauma should hit him. A few more times. He's a horrible person. These powers just keep popping up and its driving him insane, and he could have killed Trauma with his own temper no less.

"I can't swear on anythin' more then just... I swear. I had no idea till after, and... and I didn't say nothin' because I was scared you'd... react badly." Like this. Because he had all the right in the world to be mad, and Claudio couldn't even deny that.

[mademyhell]

Trauma would be glad later that he didn't break the damn idiot's nose. Later. Right now he kind of wished that he had. Or that he wanted to.

Claudio looked so panicked it was surreal that he couldn't feel any of it. But it would've been easier if he could have. Hell, he'd probably have known something was wrong. But he'd relied on that negative space for so long to just feel human with someone on the planet and there were so many awful parts to sensing what he could he never wanted to know all of that about someone before. But as angry and hurt and betrayed as he felt it would've made things easier.

Finally Trauma spoke again after a long moment.

"Scared I'd react badly to which, you erasing my memory, ignoring me for weeks, or telling me you were in love with me."

Trauma wasn't exactly playing fair at the moment.

[thecrowingtobe]

He would be alright with a break of the nose too, because he thinks he deserves it, but he also doesn't want it broken because FUCK that hurts. So he's also grateful that it hadn't happened.

And yea, panic, because he didn't want to hurt Trauma. He does love him. Figured that out already. Figured it out and now he's fucking up so badly and it's about powers and shit he didn't say and god damn, shit, fuck he is fucking up so bad.

Yes, a panic. Such a panic, because he'd never seen Trauma this mad, and he didn't have a good reason for not telling him, and he should have, but shit, shit, shit, he told someone to jump and he learned from that and how does he explain this to him oh god, oh god...

"I didn't do it on purpose. I didn't even know I did it at the time! I didn't know for a few weeks! I didn't want to tell you, fuck, you'd never trust me again. Who would. You'd never know if I did it or not and there we go. No trust. But I swear, if I had known, I wouldn't of done it. I aint never done it before then either." After though... yeah.

[mademyhell]

Trauma just stared, eyes narrowed.

"You don't think I'd get what happened?" Trauma threw out his hands, wide eyed, upset and clearly not handling this half as well as he meant to. "I get powers fuck ups Claudio, my worst put someone into a god damn insane asylum for life. They're done. Forever. There's no-....There's no fixing that. So I get it. What I don't get is-...."

He stopped, pausing to stare off somewhere else because trying for eye contact this whole time was trying and he was just unable to deal with all of it. He crossed his arms and finally took a step back. He was viciously angry, his head hurt, and it felt like his fucking eyes were burning so he turned, covering his face with his hand before running it up into the front of his hair and holding on for a moment. There was no fucking way to get out of this reasonably.

And he'd already gone and decked his-...

Trauma just stopped and turned back to him.

"What, didn't you trust me at all?"

[thecrowingtobe]

He gets that the other understands power fuck ups, but so far none of his OWN power fuck ups had one- hurt Trauma too badly and two- killed anyone, that he knows of.

He's been holding this in for far too long it seems. The guilt of it has been eating at him, and more so that it did actually hurt Terry. Shit...

He didn't know how to SAY it right though. To say what he meant with out it sounding... well, worse.

It was the last statement that had got his attention though. His head lifted off his knees, hand dropping, his face bloody as is his sleeve to which he mopped it with, but his eyes are wide. "What? No! That's not it at all!"

His heart dropped.

He was pretty sure he was sitting on it some how, because it felt squeezed as well as misplaced. "Trauma... come on, it's not that at all. You know I trust you with... with everything. Everything." He said, and moved to scramble to a foot, half kneeling half... not moving to get up yet, unsure if he did get up, if the other would go or not. "Please believe me it wasn't that I don't trust you. I just... it's... I don't... trust myself."

[mademyhell]

"Then why hell wouldn't you tell me." Trauma said, looking for all the world like he didn't give a shit, having completely retreated, but his eyes were red and he was so tense he would probably shatter given a reason. He stayed put though his body language made it pretty clear getting near him wasn't happening, at least right now.

"I know what that's like. Hell, me and Jinx? We both do." Trauma shrugged. "You just....Claudio. You treated me like I didn't exist. For weeks. I thought-"

Trauma couldn't exactly keep up his high, mighty, and distanced look though that and more looked like he'd been the one hit. God fucking damn it. He just clenched his jaw and tried to stay put before cursing under his breath and slumping.

It was pretty clear he wasn't going anywhere for now, so Trauma just sat down with his back against the wall next to the door, pulling his knees up and avoiding eye contact like the plague.

[thecrowingtobe]

He still looked shocked as the other said that about trust and telling him or even Jinx. That they know. It... it was true, sure, but he had freaked out. Hadn't dealt well with it. Once he knew he felt like a monster. Go figure.

And here he had Trauma on the floor, avoiding him and sitting on the floor like it was the end of their world.

Maybe it was.

He opened his mouth to say something. That he killed someone. That he had hurt someone and that it was his fault and how could he tell Trauma that he lost his temper again and killed someone, and yet felt WORSE about changing Terry's mind because he didn't know how to change it back. That right there made him terrible and he knows it.

The other didn't want him near though, did he. He had moved to stand, then moved to just... kneel near by, but leaving him space. His hand moved to rub at his nose, the blood slowed by now, but he still looked a hot mess for sure.

"Ter..." He said softly, voice cracking a moment as he choked back what felt like tears trying to attack. "Terry... I'm sorry. I am. It wasn't that I.... I didn't mean to... to treat you like that."

He reached a hand out, but stopped. The other wouldn't want him around, or close, let alone touch him. And his hand was bloody anyhow. He drew back more and rubbed at his nose with the other sleeve. "I... panicked. When I realized what happened. HOW i realized what happened... I panicked." And he knows if he was around Terry or even Jinx too long he'd spill the beans. Hell, when Jinx tried talking to him he almost cried it out to her but... not so close to her wedding. No.

"Please... please don't hate me. I'm ..." Sorry, yeah. And he wanted to say more but... but he's so scared the other would really hate him after that.

[mademyhell]

He watched Claudio out the corner of his eye while he went through the motions of getting down to his level. He half flinched when Claudio reached out to him, glaring at him through his hair to try and continue keeping him back, but as Claudio talked he found himself worrying in spite of everything

And then Trauma rolled his eyes in spite of himself because really.

"I don't...I can't hate you. Where would you even-" Trauma can't fathom the idea okay? And considering how horrible he feels he's pretty sure there's no way he could. If he could, he would shrug this off. Like another person fucking up was a new thing in his life. Seriously. The reason he even was angry, fighting like this at all was because he couldn't.

"If you didn't know, how'd you find out?" He asked, finally. Sounding tired and mostly just distanced. Though his eyes were blue again when he looked at him.

[thecrowingtobe]

Yeaaahhh, he completely stayed back now, rolling back to his butt on the bed and wrapping bloody hands around his knees again, eyes closed a moment and pressing his nose into his knee. Damn it. Upset him so much that he doesn't even want him around. Doesn't want him near him. Why wouldn't he hate him?

How could he not hate him, he didn't get that. HE hated himself for this.

He rested his head on a knee and bounced it heard, frowning. "I think I killed someone...."

What, was that too vague? Oh look, short sentences. Make him understand?

[mademyhell]

"What." Trauma said, very very confused. Short Sentences. That didn't mean 'not helpful sentences' it meant 'please be clear'.

"What do you mean "you think you killed someone". You don't know?" Trauma asked, unsure, and watching him carefully.

After a moment Trauma rolled his eyes again and grabbed the box of tissues from off the dresser and shoved them at him.

"Here."

He now was starting to feel bad for decking Claudio in the face. God fucking knew why, considering everything. But he did. So he attempted the loosest form of help, glaring the whole while.

[thecrowingtobe]

He didn't move at first, just sat there, pressing his nose in his jeans now, letting that stop it. His shirt was a mess, and it would stop; here shortly. Some day he would be able to just pretend it didn't hurt and it wouldn't. That would be nice.

"I mean that guy... that jumped off SERO tower?" He said, wondering if the other saw the news some time back, if not he had it saved in guilt. He blinked as he heard 'here' and looked up at him. He frowned, then reached out to grab the tissues, dropping back again and rubbing at his nose, eyes down. "I think I told him to do it."

And because he said it the words just kept coming. "He was picking on someone the night before and I stepped in and there was an arguement and I got all angry and said shit I didn't want to say and told him to Jump off the SERO tower for all i care, and the next day there was that and the guy was the same guy, I swear."

His hand and the tissue rubbed at his face, eyes closed.

"So yeah... figured it out then. Figured it out and freaked out and realized it wasn't the first time and then realized you were and that didn't stand well for me and then I realized that I couldn't be trusted and there was no way you guys could, because who knows if I've done it before or not. This could be a major problem, and it's not me avoiding you because I don't... cus I don't.... I'm not avoiding you because I don't love you or something, but because I don't ever want to do that to you again and I don't know what would set it off."

[mademyhell]

"That's...Jesus." Trauma sat there staring at him and sitting forward so he could get a better picture of what was happening.

"You couldn't've known that was going to happen." He said calmly, before pausing again. "Claudio. That? That was...That's a power fuck up. That's not something you could've..."

He stopped again helplessly, unsure how to help with that part, though he was still unsure and angry about the rest.

"Just because you've got a fucked up power doesn't mean you're not trustworthy it means you have to be more careful." Trauma said....knowing this part from far too much experience.

"What-.....Even if you say you trust me? You didn't." Trauma finally got his thought out, watching him evenly and trying to resist the urge to be more helpful. He was still hurt, and he wasn't letting this go. Not that easily. "And after you figured it out you still didn't-"

Trauma stopped, and paused.

Because suddenly something occurred to him in a way that hadn't before and even though by this point, they had both mentioned it, Trauma had been caught up in just throwing things in Claudio's face and he said it so offhandedly- What.

"And were you just...never going to tell me what happened." Terry paused, and looked a little more confused. Because this was not exactly what he'd expected out of this conversation. Yet, here he was. "Or that you're in love with me?"

[thecrowingtobe]

He sat there, keeping his distance from the other mostly because he was sure the other needed it. Wanted it. Didn't want him close. He could understand why, really.

"Yeah, I know. More fuckin' powers. More fuck ups. I keep getting them. I don't know what it is I keep getting but I get them. Memory alteration is not something I wanted. And it doesn't make sense to me that the guy jumped off that tower. I said go d it but I didn't alter his memory. And memory is a past thing, not a now things and..."

He growled, running hands over his face. They smelled of burnt copper and oil. God damn it. He had to shut up. Rambling was a hard problem and he did too much of it.

Hiding behind his hands still he heard the pauses here and there. And the fact that he thinks he doesn't trust him. "That's... not it at all. I do trust you." He felt confused on why that was even a question. He didn't... tell the other not because he didn't trust him. He didn't tell him cus he was scared, period. He doesn't do things well when scared.

"I... was trying to tell you. Tried to tell you a few times but things kept happening, then I lost my nerve." It was easier to say he loved the other then to tell him he was a world class ass and fucked with his brain and didn't even realize it.

His voice went softer though, hiding his eyes more down and away. A mumble of "Yeah, well... figured you already... figured that last part out."

[mademyhell]

"Maybe it's not actually the memory maybe it's...I don't know you said something about..."

Something about forgetting, was the rest of that sentence, but he stopped and his eyes glazed for a second as the order kicked in in his brain again. He'd been told to forget. And he forgot. Again. For all of a moment before shaking it off like he'd never been talking at all. Trying to access the moment had redirected and his eyes had flickered for all of a moment as he suddenly refocused. Looking confused but continuing on.

"Kind of did, yeah. I remember....mostly, it's really-" Trauma frowned. It was like the memory was trying to slide away when he went too near it. But it was there. He remembered getting yelled at, he remembered the kiss and the confession and then...nothing.

Like that part wasn't uncovered yet. or just didn't exist. Who knew.

It felt weird and he couldn't quiet get through to everything in that section of his memory.

"You thought I'd just never say anything about it again?" He said finally. "You told me, and I just...never said anything? And it took you until something else went insane to notice there was something wrong with that?"

[thecrowingtobe]

"Not sure what it is." He mumbled something about being 'too dumb' to figure it out. Oh well. He stayed seated there the entire time, not looking at the other, hiding his face in his knees, face no longer bleeding, just messy. The blood drying in some places, crackling on his face.

For Claudio he was starting ot lose track of the conversation though. He was saying he tried to tell Trauma about what he thought might have happened, after he figured it out, bu he never did. Or had he? He's not sure now.

Fingers through his hair he pulled on it a bit in frustration. The thought he might never say anything about it again? Yeah, actually... "The thought had crossed my mind, year. I mean, you mean the... ah, thing, with the feelings, or do you mean the thing with the ... ah, suggestions? Oh god, what the hell is it that I do now..."

Because yes, he did think that maybe that was that. He said he loved him and that was the end of that.

[mademyhell]

Trauma made a face that amounted to '....well.'

"I was talking about the feelings part but the suggestions thing...that might be something to ask Ma-....Michael about."

Every so often, Trauma would just pause over that one. Magneto was magneto. And it still was freaking confusing. And irritating. But then, everything was irritating him right this moment, so now was not the time to worry about it.

"Or we can see what it does." Trauma said shrugging. "Try and figure out what triggers it, use Gabriel as a failsafe."

This was not the sanest suggestion Trauma had ever made, but he had also been living with Jinx and Claudio for years. They were a terrible influence.

"...But you seriously thought I'd just....drop that. Like it didn't exist?" He said, a little offended and not really honestly certain why.

[thecrowingtobe]

"Not sure I want to talk to Michael about these ether. And I don't think I can tell Jinx at all. She'd freak out." And he didn't want to tell Trauma, though he was working on it still. He just... he didn't want to scare him. Because it scared Claudio a lot too.

"Not sure Gabe can keep his mouth shut either..." So it was a good idea but maybe not a good one as well. It... worried him, a bit.

All of this did, actually.

But his heart was stuck more on the other part. "I..." he wasn't sure. Maybe? Maybe he would ignore it? So maybe he didn't trust in that. It's more a trust of not trusting his own life. He shrugged his shoulder and peeked off at the other over his knees. Frowning. Looking over at the other again. "Just wasn't sure if... I don't know. I... honestly don't know."

And a smaller... "I panicked..."

[mademyhell]

"Magneto's got more experience with strange fucking powers than anyone here. And he's...he likes you guys. So..." Trauma shrugged. He really didn't have a better answer than that. And not trying to figure out what was wrong with this was just going to mean it was going to happen again.

"....So we don't tell Jinx or Gabriel you used it on me." He wasn't sure that was the best answer, that he had, but neither of them were too worried about most people, and so they could use that to their advantage. "And then she'll probably be pretty calm."

"You panicked." Trauma deadpanned, watching his as if he wasn't exactly sure what had happened in this moment. Claudio looked so nervous about the whole thing he wasn't even sure what to do. "Because I forgot? Or because you said anything?

[thecrowingtobe]

"yeah, I suppose." He said simply to Michael. Maybe that was at least a better idea then telling Jinx or Gabe right away. Then again... he'd have to tell them at some point, wouldn't he? Shit. God damn.

"Still think she'll freak out a bit. This power sucks. It's the worst one yet." He hissed, almost pulling hair as he did. So frustrated with it. "Terry, I'm sorry. I don't know what the hell triggered it, other than being angry. You know I'd never use it on you on purpose though, right?"

Or so he helped he knew.

As for that last part, he froze for a moment, then said softly. "I... didn't really realize that you forgot. More just kind of... thought you didn't want to talk about it." Yes, Trauma, he is that pathetic. And yes, it's because he said anything. He panicked because he said something and Terry didn't bring it up again, so he didn't mention it ever again, even after he realized.