When the other grabbed hold of his arm and called for him to stop, to wait and listen to him, he gave a frustrated growl. If he WANTED time to think it OVER he should have let Claudio GO so he could THINK it Over!
He stood there a moment, looking less then pleased to be stopped now. He decided to pull at his bloody shirt, a thermal with long sleeves, yanking it off now and balling it up, pushing off the other hands if he had to.
"Didn't seem like a hard question. Yes or no, generally works. But I get it, and you don't have to say shit. Let it go is fine. Let ME go so you can think if you want. I... I don't care." he said and the tone he said it in said that wasn't true at all. He did care, but he was scared now.
He stepped back when he was pushed away and narrowed his eyes. Trauma looked for all the world like he was ready to either throw something. Most likely at Claudio.
"I don't know what you want from me!" He said finally, voice raising to match and thank Gabriel's deadbeat dad that no one was home otherwise someone would've been up here in two seconds and Trauma literally could not have dealt with that. He'd have probably decided to jump out a window and take the week's vacation from life. Because fuck it.
"In about ten minutes I found out my best friend pretty much erased my head" He snarled, ticking off on his fingers in a way a bit too reminiscent of his "sister" even for his own comfort. And never mind the fact that he was pretty much throwing the incident back in Claudio's face right now, he felt trapped and didn't know what else he was supposed to do."And that you're in love with me and now you're expecting some kind of answer from me. And I don't know what the hell you want."
"I don't want anything from you though! I just want you to let me go! If you need time to think, than take it! Because this was something that one needs to think on before he can say shit. I get it. I shouldn't blurt ridiculous shit out. As for your god damn head!..."
His eyes were glowing again as he said that, a green like they tend to do when he's made.
"...I don't think bringing it up again is such a good idea when you're starting to tick me off! I didn't DO it on purpose! But fucking god damn I am so tempted to fix his entire conversation and never trying it again!"
Oh, so, that might have been yelled, and he wasn't actually powering up, but he was 'powered' up. And clearly mad.
Trauma almost instantly went wide eyed and his eyes immediately lit up in return, lighting up suddenly and brightly and drawing the color back out in an instant.
He'd never been made nervous by what Claudio could do or even by the fact that he couldn't read a damn thing off the other. But between the new and....a little terrifying power and the yelling, Trauma was not exactly the most comfortable with the turn of events.
So, Trauma did the most logical thing possible, he grabbed Claudio's arm again to throw him off balance, before sweeping his knee out and catching the others, and dropping him, hard. Sometimes, bootcamp had it's perks.
Trauma stood over him, head tilted and world gone grey for a good long pause before he crouched down to a closer level and he spoke.
"How about we don't start flinging around intent with a power based on suggestion that you don't have control over yet." Trauma said fairly deadpan though the level of distortion in his voice was high, making it near unrecognizable. "Okay?"
One minute he had a temper flair. The next minute he was on the floor, his breath knocked out of him and head aching on the floor.
Ow. He could have faded out, almost instantly. He could have dropped through the floor, but instead he lay there, head tilted back so not to look at Trauma. Fuck, be proud he hasn't gone invisible on you yet man.
He let out a cough and then a growl. "I said tempted, not that I was gonna do it. Fuck. Kind of like how much I want to hit you right now and haven't yet." He growled through his teeth.
Honestly, he knows it was dumb to say before, as much as this is pretty dumb to say too. but he's being dumb in general.
"Intent's important, dumbass." Trauma said helpfully, parroting back Jinx's lesson without thinking. "And I'd like to keep hold of my memories this time, thanks."
Trauma rolled his eyes at Claudio's continued jackassery from the floor as if this wasn't anything abnormal at all. And he'd been hit before. And probably would be again. He knew his life and accepted it.
"Now. Without freaking the fuck out. Can you tell me what the hell you're even wanting so I know if we're even remotely in the same page?" Terry said finally, sounding tired and glaring at him obviously even through lit up eyes.
Intents important his ass. He doesn't care about his demon lessons or magic lessons or anything. Intent wasn't that important to him, that he thinks at least.
You notice he's not moving though? Because he's not getting up and he's not fading through. The green glow had died down to the pretty back light eyes of light blue however. Powered up but not... powered.
He's glaring, looking up and away from Trauma however.
"I don't want anything." He hissed. His eyes closing now and laying on the floor, Trauma hovering and glaring at him, and he not looking to it. Not moving. Not leaving. His hand was balled up but it wasn't moving. It didn't swing. It didn't hit. He hissed again.
"I just want you to let me go and think on it. Or forget I said anything if it's goin' to be this much of a problem."
"...Kind of need to know what you want to know what I am thinking about." Trauma said, unhelpfully. His eyes slid back to red and then finally to blue. He was on edge, but he was trying not to make things worse.
Not that Claudio was even looking at him.
Now who was avoiding things.
But really, Trauma was making a decent point. If this...if he was something Claudio wanted because he just happened to be closest or some sort of horrific reaction to Trauma dying then he didn't know what he was going to do about it.
If this was....
He wasn't even totally sure, but now that he was thinking about, he couldn't not think about it and....Goddamn it. Somewhere, someone in the universe was laughing at them.
"I don't know! I fucked up and said I loved you again. I think that's enough right there to consider your own damn feelings on with out me having to tell you what I want you to think about!"
Seriously, he didn't understand what was wanted here. He opened his eyes to look up at the other as he said all that, but he didn't really look mad, just... frustrated now.
"What do normal people do or think when someone tells them they might be in love with them? Do they normally turn it around and demand to know what to think? Cus if that's the case, I give up already, because I don't know what you're suppose to think."
Trauma opened his mouth and closed it again. Because honestly he didn't have an answer for that one. Normal wasn't exactly their forte alright? None of theres. He sat back instead of crouching, wrapping his arms around his knees.
"'M not demanding." Trauma said finally, as if this was the main point. Which it isn't, and he knows it, but honestly he's not really sure what Claudio wants his response to be even and that is a problem according to Terry.
"And if you leave I wont see you again for another month." He said simply. ....So, maybe that whole avoiding thing left Terry a bit paranoid, okay? He's just now got the picture of why it happened, but because of Claudio's tendency towards flight...he's pretty sure it could happen again. And he's sick of it. Terry's got very few people he actively chooses to be around. And one of them treated him like he didn't exist for a while. So count him paranoid. Sorry.
Not demanding. That was it? Claudio sighed, pressing his hands to his face again, frustrated for the most part. He wasn't even sure what else to do or say. He shouldn't have said any of that to begin with.
"Let's just... forget I said anything. I just... I know my apologies mean nothing to you, but I am sorry I didn't come to you first when I realized. I got scared I'd lose you to this one. Tried figuring it out myself and failed on that."
He moved to sit up off the floor, reaching back to rub his head, glaring still. "And I aint gonna go anywhere for a month."
Trauma rolled his eyes, because Claudio was being dramatic about apologies again and he wasn't going to hash through it now, but someday he was going explain exactly what the problem was. With words. Even if he had to write it down first.
And Then Terry gave him another sharper look because Claudio had made the move to leave more than once. And he didn't trust the timeframe no matter what Claudio said. He'd trust the guy with his life. But he'd also trust him to try and evade every emotional mess on the planet. Trauma really wanted to avoid it, too.
The world, however, was not a fair place.
"Why the fuck would you 'lose me'. I don't get that." Trauma said, quietly, moving to watch the floor and still sitting with his arms around his knees. "Even if I didn't get the powers crap and I didn't-"
"That doesn't make sense." He said, mostly because it didn't. Trauma wasn't going anywhere. And it wasn't like there was anything Claudio could do at this point to alienate him aside from just...deciding he didn't want Trauma around. If that had been the case, he'd have hated it, but he'd have respected it. But he really couldn't fathom the fact that Claudio had no concept of that or the fact that Trauma didn't...he wasn't good with people. Not really. Not one on one, and not when it came to himself. So he wouldn't be the one to end..whatever the fuck was apparently happening because Trauma was very confused right now and fuck the headache coming on was enough to make him want to just go to sleep and not wake up for a very long time. Possibly until after Jinx was back and could act as a human...ish buffer again.
Excuse you. It's not dramatic. And someday if Trauma uses words, that will be a day to remember and then maybe Claudio will get it. Until then...
He didn't say anything for a moment though, staring at the other for his comment. How... does he not understand the thought of losing the other. And over memory? Because honestly, memory is important and if Claudio had done that shit on purpose he damn well hopes (but doesn't but does) that Trauma wouldn't forgive him for that shit, because that's unforgivable.
So he looked blankly at him sitting there, staring at the floor, saying it doesn't make sense. He moved to come closer, looking confused more then anything now. Reaching out he put a hand on the others arm, coming to knee now in front of the other, knees at either side of the others toes. Trying to get a look at the others face, he found himself more startled by the comment then he expected.
"Are you kidding me right now? Fuckin' hell, Terry. If I did something like that on purpose you aren't... you can't just..." He huffed, not sure how to say it, because he wouldn't want him to leave but...
"You seriously would stay with me if I fucked with your head. On purpose. Like..." He frowned harder. "No." He stated, firmly, hoping to get the others attention. "If I had done that shit on purpose I'd be worse then scum, and I already feel like shit for doing it but... no, see... no. If someone does shit like that you don't stick around. Losing you would... it'd kill me, alright?"
And on a smaller breath of words, head tipped down, scowling down now too. "Don't be stupid. I mean, I wouldn't ever do it on purpose, but if I did, don't fuckin' be stupid."
Trauma paused, and didn't really look up. Because he's not actually willing to admit, for either of them, exactly what he's willing to sit through. It's not exactly the healthiest thing he's ever accepted about himself. And he'd accepted a lot of things about himself over the years. You had to when you had the kind of things in his head that he had.
Even when Claudio reached out for him, and even when he came in closer Trauma just continued staring at the floor.
"I know you wouldn't."
Which is probably the point. If he did think it, really, when he wasn't horrifically upset and terrified then he probably wouldn't consider it, but then on the other hand if it was something he really though Claudio would do....then he didn't really want to deal with that.
When he finally does look up he looks like he's trying to parse through about six or seven things at once, not much different from usual really, but he's thinking.
He's going to invade your space a bit more, kneeling before Trauma, he moved to rest both hands on the others arm that wrapped around his knees. "Trauma. I'm serious. That's... that's not something you should ever forgive me for. Hell, you shouldn't even be okay with me right now. I mean, maybe you're not but... it's... not okay."
He lowered his eyes again, frowning as he spoke. "It scares me, that I could do something to lose you, but it scares me to think you'd put up with that kind of crap and just stick around. Why... would you?"
Because that didn't make sense. If Terry was purposely trying to scare him with his bogarty demon ability, he'd not want to stick around. Even if the other meant his world to him.
Trauma doesn't exactly say anything, not that it's new, though he does actually look at Claudio when he actually gets closer, more like Trauma can't figure out exactly what to do, or say or how exactly to make all of this make sense to both of them.
Normally they get by without actually having to talk about shit.
Can't this just be one of those times?
(Even though he'd been the one asking for them to talk ignorethatpart He clearly didn't know what he was talking about at the time. Why was Claudio the one with the ability to go through the floor? That wasn't fucking fair.)
"Don't be an idiot." Trauma said, clearly uncomfortable with the turn of conversation and dropping his eyes. Because he wasn't about to admit anything particularly difficult about himself right this second.
WOULD YOU TALK TO ME!? Was the thought that hit him hardest. You are going to be the death of him some day.
He wanted to drop through the floor now, frustrated, and the noise he made said he was frustrated by that comment. His hands tightened on the others arm, and he moved to half stand, leaning in to press a kiss to the top of the others head, before starting to stand fully.
"Fine." He said it softly, no bite to it at all. "We don't have to talk about it, or anything else right now. I'm sorry I didn't come to you when I freaked out. Clearly you need... I donno, time. So let me give it to you." He said and started to move again to go. Though back to their room and not the stairs.
Trauma didn't move, at first. Surprised by the action and frankly by the calm, it wasn't something he'd expected and so he frowned at the floor.
He heard Claudio go back to their room and closed his eyes, trying to think.
He'd been given the time, Claudio wasn't going to pull another disappearing act.
That meant he had time.
Which to be honest didn't do him much good. He still had no clue what Claudio wanted him to do with the information, if he wanted Trauma to drop this or pursue it or even what that really meant. And if they did, what the hell was supposed to happen if one or the other or both of them fucked this up.
…Probably close to what had happened before this. And Trauma didn't know if he could do that. If bailing was an acceptable option, Trauma would have to cut this idea off now. He couldn't-…
There was no one he knew of that he knew better, or wanted to try to learn. That's what this kind of thing was supposed to mean, right?
He realized he'd probably been still a ridiculous amount of time when he noticed shadows crawl across the floor and how distracted he'd become, when he came into focus, the area around him recolored, and he sighed, standing up before he'd actually had the time to tell himself no.
When he went to their room, he knocked on the doorframe and waited to get Claudio's attention before starting to try and speak.
"I'm really...I'm not good at this." He started, not making eye contact. "You know that. I just...You're.."
Trauma stopped, closing his eyes and taking a breath again.
"I don't know why you'd even-..." Trauma started again, trailing off and looking frustrated with everything. Reason number one he wasn't sure why someone else would ever decide they were in love with him of all things. Let alone Claudio who was....He was reckless and bright and managed to be more open about pretty much everything than he was and how the hell- He didn't get it.
"Claudio, I can't promise I wouldn't fuck up?" He said finally. A little helpless and not anything near making eye contact. "And I'd need…I'd really need you to promise not to shut me out like that again but…"
Trauma shrugged, and tried to actually look at him, remembering this was his best friend, that was apparently in love with him and so he had to be willing to give Terry the benefit of the doubt ...right? Terry basically stood awkwardly in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest and trying not to freak out about how even after everything this was apparently the decision he was willing to make and how he couldn't just fucking say it and Jesus Christ what the hell was wrong with him and why did he think this was all a good idea and fuck...
There was something of a heart ache as the other allowed him to walk off. Like he had almost wished Trauma would have said something or stopped him, because the wait nearly killed him. But he would have waited months is that was what the other wanted.
He didn't want anything from the other, so he couldn't tell him what he needed Trauma to think. That wasn't fair to either of them anyhow. He wasn't sure if he wanted the other to say he loved him back or just to say it wasn't going to work, or to tell him to please not ruin this friendship. Or anything. He didn't know if he wanted it to simple be nodded to, pat on the head and call it a day. Hell if he knew. All he knew was he had said it. Said it twice really, and wished he hadn't.
In their space, he moved to flop out on the bed, laying there belly down and face in his own pillow, eyes closed.
He had no idea how long it took the other before he came in, but he rolled over and half lay there half sat up as Terry came in and spoke.
He blinked, head tilting a bit as he was told that he can't promise not to fuck things up. "I wasn't asking you to promise me anything. Promises in things like this are always tricky anyhow. I... promised someone..." Newo.... "that I'd never leave and... I did. Maybe not by choice, but I did. Fucked that up. Broke a promise too." he rubbed the back of his head, frowning and staring at the ceiling.
"I can promise to try to... not be so pig headed? To not shut you out again. Can't say I'm not going to freak out though but... way I see it..." he rubbed both hands over his face now. He felt stupid. "Way I see it, we've practically been dating for a while now. Just never really noticed."
What? it was true! They acted like a strange odd couple more then he and Newo had. It was kind of gross, in an interesting way. Staring at his feet no he sighed. "I swear though... if I freak out again, I'll let you in on it. These last few weeks haven't been easy on me either." He had been so stupid.
Terry made a strange half laugh, because that was depressingly right on a certain level. They lived out of each other's pockets for so long that the moment it had been interrupted he'd barely known what to do with himself.
He couldn't think of anyone else on the planet, or really any planet that held the same place.
Terry seemed to take a very long moment, just watching him before finally walking across the room and sitting down on the edge of the bed with his feet on the floor and he began picking at the polish on his nails once he'd settled, trying to figure out exactly what he was doing or how he was even going to say it.
"This couple weeks literally sucked. I can't do that again. ...I can't." It takes him a moment, because that took a lot of effort to say even without looking at Claudio, because it's still hard to talk about himself in any real way and harder still to admit when something hurt him.
"I thought I'd-" He pauses, and open and closes his mouth a couple times like he's trying to figure it out. "I thought. That It'd finally been too much, that I'd-"
That I'd been too much, that everything had been too much to take.
"So... " He says awkwardly, before shrugging, and looking back down at his hands. It's a little hard to admit how that's still a sticking point in his brain and how hard it managed to crash what little self esteem he tended to cling to on a good day. It's a little easier now knowing why, but it's still difficult to talk to through, harder to explain, but it needs to be out of the way before he goes along with anything else or explains anything else.
"There's that but..." Terry is more than a little helpless when he comes to this sort of stuff, and he sort of half nods before continuing. "If if you wanted to I- ....I mean -"
Oh god. Talking is fucking hard, and it's more than a little obvious that he's not exactly making it on the talking front in the slightest, and dear fucking god, Claudio save him from his own inability to behave like a fucking human.
Everything about today seemed to be harder than the last month in general. Every ounce of emotion that came off of both boys had been hard and heavy and it had to have wiped them both out. Still, they continued to talk through it. Tried to work through the emotions and actions in the best way they could.
Which wasn't the best at all, but it was them. It was how they did things.
The worst way possible.
Claudio let Trauma try and talk. The fact that Trauma thought that he had been too much for Claudio at last felt bad too. As if that was something that could ever be.
Claudio said nothing for a moment, just letting Terry have the time or the moment if he needed, to try to get words out. He honestly couldn't figure out how to fix anything. In his mind this entire conversation was a complete mess filled with mixed signals and miscommunications. Yet he wanted to be here.
Pulling himself a bit closer on the bed, he moved to where Trauma was seated, scooting in behind him and... leaned forward. Pressing his forehead to the others back and rested it there. His fingers reached out to hook into belt loops at the back of the others pants, as if to hold onto him a bit with out being too... clingy? Too close? His fingers curled, tightening a moment as he took in a small breath.
"I wont avoid you like that again." He said more firmly now. A promise to the other. He leaned a bit heavier into him, eyes closed and let out a small breath. He could... deal with him not wanting him, but he couldn't deal with not being around him. It had sucked for him and it apparently have been worse for Terry.
He leaned there, eyes closed, not sure what Trauma wanted to get across with what else he was saying. If Claudio wanted to? Wanted to... what? It was terrible. He just wanted to curl his arms around the other, close his eyes, and pretend nothing had happened. It was dumb, he knew that much, but he wished he hadn't of messed up.
It had felt like they had been dating for years now though. He couldn't get past that feelings. Maybe it was just him though. Maybe it was just his mind making up things he wished to see. And maybe... he shouldn't want to wrap himself around Trauma and protect him, especially not when he was the one that hurt him last. "If I wanted what?"
It's a little weird how little he's surprised by the sudden space invasion, and that makes him pause more than the actual touch, because honestly now that he's noticed it's hard to un notice the fact that he's spent years with most people being utterly terrified to be in his space, and he really has gotten used to the fact that Claudio is almost painfully tactile, all the time. Always has been, even after he read his fears, even after they'd both died, even after everything. He's so used to it that relaxes in spite of himself, and then tenses up again due to the fact that now he's thinking about it. And Trauma takes a very deep breath and proceeds to roll his eyes at himself because dear fucking god, what the hell is wrong with him.
Clearly many things.
Terry half turned to look at him, not shoving him off in any way, but it's very hard to have a conversation with someone behind you. Not that...he hadn't kind of started that. The position was a little awkward, though it's pretty clear that he's mostly just trying to get some attempt at eye contact or something, and isn't trying to hard to make Claudio back up.
As for words...if he could've found a way to do it without being absolutely impossible he might've bitched about being forced to actually say it, but then, most of the time people are telling him to use his words.
Instead of whatever it is he does. Mostly not talking.
He stopped and started a couple times, without actually saying anything and mostly just making himself look kind of ridiculous by failing at the very basic life skill of opening ones mouth and having words come out.
Finally he just made a very irritated sound, and forced himself into words.
"Apparently we've tried dating without actually knowing we were doing it so, maybe we should try actually....knowing about it."
........Oh, and the look on Terry's face is kind of magical at the moment because clearly that was not as smooth or clear as he hoped for and now is mentally kicking himself because wow. Trauma. Low point in communication. Even for you.
Claudio was raised in a tactile home, so to say he was a tactile person was pretty much a fact. Even if in this place he didn't get that close to people anymore. He tended to fade away from people (physically & metaphorically) instead of getting too close. It was easier. But Claudio did tend to respond better to contact. Contacts in all forms.
You tell him to 'come back' or 'don't dart off and go invisible you little shit' and he literally can ignore that a person said anything at all. Grab his arm however and things got real. Things connected in his head in a way that he was reminded he needed to stay where he was and not make a run for it. The sooner 'someone' learned that trick he'd have an easier time of keeping the invisa boy around in an argument. Sort of. It's not a rule set in stone, but it is something.
It was grounding for him. Contact made something in his head connect.
Like now. Simply being closer and knowing that Trauma didn't just hate him helped, yes, but the fact that he didn't shove him away helped more. At first when the other moved, Claudio did almost draw back, face starting to burn a bit in a blush. Except he realized he wasn't being pushed away. His fingers flexed tighter on belt loops a moment again, before he turned his head to look up at the other.
A brow raised as he watched Ter try to say things and then not. Then the irritated sound made him sit up a bit, drawing away, though he kept his tiny hold on the other still, looking confused for a moment as he started to actually speak.
He blinked... then smiled faintly, relaxing just a bit more, realizing he had tensed up the moment the other actually tried to speak.
A soft chuckled might have been heard, faint and small. "Did you just ask me on a date?" He said with the faintest smile. It was true. The more he thought about it, the more it seemed like they had already been dating. But then again, that's how best friends work too, right? Except the whole sharing a space, a bed sometimes, and being around each other all the damn time.
Moved into a bigger home. Still shared a room. Who does that?
".....Apparently I did." Was the first thing out of Terry's mouth. "I think?"
Frankly Terry had no idea what he's doing, so any assistance would honestly be appreciated. It's strangely a little easier now that he can actually see Claudio's reaction. About 90% of the time he tried to avoid any and all eye contact, but in this...as kind of with most things, Claudio seems to be the exception.
Wow. Okay. How pathetic are they?
Terry attempted something like a smile that mostly just comes out as an odd mix between cringing at himself and his usual inability to behave like a normal person. Having seemed to have realized that failed miserably Terry's eyes darted down and away.
He was clearly at something of a loss, but then, when it comes to his own stuff, and his own emotional baggage, when wasn't he.
"Yeah." He said, finally, more like a connection to the last train of thought than out of the blue, even if it took him....a really really long moment to actually say it. "I did."
He's not 100% sure where he stands yet, he's really not, because he's only had a little while to think and, lets face it, Trauma is a little (there really is no other word for it, unfortunately, and as always that fact makes his life difficult)... traumatized. The word love is likely not happening any time soon. Honestly, though he's sure he literally would do pretty much anything for Claudio and that the list of people he'd feel comfortable even going near the idea of dating or whatever is painfully small and would've likely included him had Terry not gone for immediately crushing any and all emotions that could lead to vulnerability and trying to ignore them for all he's worth.
Healthy? No.
A decent survival trait? Yes.
But he's willing to at least.....attempt. To look into what that could be like. Chances are, if they haven't murdered each other yet, they're not going to, and Claudio probably wont just....
If things go bad, the chances are bad will include someone going home more than one or the other of them deciding they hate each other, so there's that.
"Huh." He said in reply to the yes. Yes, he did just ask him on a date. He can't help be surprised. This is not how he thought the day would go, really. His face still radiated heat and his nose throbbed from the hit. His eye had the start of a blackening going on. This wasn't abnormal for him, but it still wasn't how he thought this would go.
Ever.
He didn't want to make a big deal out of it though. It wasn't... a big deal. Right? After all, it's just them going to go do something together, like normal. As he said, it's like they've been dating with out knowing it. There was no reason to make a big deal out of anything.
Yet he still smiled about it, drawing a hand back to rub at his face, trying to hide the smile a bit by touching his stupid nose as if checking it. Head down a bit he gave a nod. "Yeah. Sure. That would be cool."
In truth, he still thought the other should be mad at him. Should hit him a few more times even. He was pretty sure that this shouldn't be okay, and that he should just apologize and fade out of the world.
He needed to get out of that train of thought, but it was still there. He hurt Trauma, he killed a man, and he just... kept getting worse. Yet here he was, a small smile on his face, feeling dumbly warm because Terry asked him on a date. He felt so dumb, but okay with it.
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Date: 2014-09-13 08:45 am (UTC)He thought he should have, for a moment.
When the other grabbed hold of his arm and called for him to stop, to wait and listen to him, he gave a frustrated growl. If he WANTED time to think it OVER he should have let Claudio GO so he could THINK it Over!
He stood there a moment, looking less then pleased to be stopped now. He decided to pull at his bloody shirt, a thermal with long sleeves, yanking it off now and balling it up, pushing off the other hands if he had to.
"Didn't seem like a hard question. Yes or no, generally works. But I get it, and you don't have to say shit. Let it go is fine. Let ME go so you can think if you want. I... I don't care." he said and the tone he said it in said that wasn't true at all. He did care, but he was scared now.
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Date: 2014-09-13 09:01 am (UTC)"I don't know what you want from me!" He said finally, voice raising to match and thank Gabriel's deadbeat dad that no one was home otherwise someone would've been up here in two seconds and Trauma literally could not have dealt with that. He'd have probably decided to jump out a window and take the week's vacation from life. Because fuck it.
"In about ten minutes I found out my best friend pretty much erased my head" He snarled, ticking off on his fingers in a way a bit too reminiscent of his "sister" even for his own comfort. And never mind the fact that he was pretty much throwing the incident back in Claudio's face right now, he felt trapped and didn't know what else he was supposed to do."And that you're in love with me and now you're expecting some kind of answer from me. And I don't know what the hell you want."
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Date: 2014-09-13 12:31 pm (UTC)His eyes were glowing again as he said that, a green like they tend to do when he's made.
"...I don't think bringing it up again is such a good idea when you're starting to tick me off! I didn't DO it on purpose! But fucking god damn I am so tempted to fix his entire conversation and never trying it again!"
Oh, so, that might have been yelled, and he wasn't actually powering up, but he was 'powered' up. And clearly mad.
This wouldn't end well.
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Date: 2014-09-13 02:55 pm (UTC)He'd never been made nervous by what Claudio could do or even by the fact that he couldn't read a damn thing off the other. But between the new and....a little terrifying power and the yelling, Trauma was not exactly the most comfortable with the turn of events.
So, Trauma did the most logical thing possible, he grabbed Claudio's arm again to throw him off balance, before sweeping his knee out and catching the others, and dropping him, hard. Sometimes, bootcamp had it's perks.
Trauma stood over him, head tilted and world gone grey for a good long pause before he crouched down to a closer level and he spoke.
"How about we don't start flinging around intent with a power based on suggestion that you don't have control over yet." Trauma said fairly deadpan though the level of distortion in his voice was high, making it near unrecognizable. "Okay?"
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Date: 2014-09-13 03:13 pm (UTC)Ow.
He could have faded out, almost instantly. He could have dropped through the floor, but instead he lay there, head tilted back so not to look at Trauma. Fuck, be proud he hasn't gone invisible on you yet man.
He let out a cough and then a growl. "I said tempted, not that I was gonna do it. Fuck. Kind of like how much I want to hit you right now and haven't yet." He growled through his teeth.
Honestly, he knows it was dumb to say before, as much as this is pretty dumb to say too. but he's being dumb in general.
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Date: 2014-09-13 03:35 pm (UTC)Trauma rolled his eyes at Claudio's continued jackassery from the floor as if this wasn't anything abnormal at all. And he'd been hit before. And probably would be again. He knew his life and accepted it.
"Now. Without freaking the fuck out. Can you tell me what the hell you're even wanting so I know if we're even remotely in the same page?" Terry said finally, sounding tired and glaring at him obviously even through lit up eyes.
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Date: 2014-09-13 03:43 pm (UTC)You notice he's not moving though? Because he's not getting up and he's not fading through. The green glow had died down to the pretty back light eyes of light blue however. Powered up but not... powered.
He's glaring, looking up and away from Trauma however.
"I don't want anything." He hissed. His eyes closing now and laying on the floor, Trauma hovering and glaring at him, and he not looking to it. Not moving. Not leaving. His hand was balled up but it wasn't moving. It didn't swing. It didn't hit. He hissed again.
"I just want you to let me go and think on it. Or forget I said anything if it's goin' to be this much of a problem."
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Date: 2014-09-13 11:41 pm (UTC)Not that Claudio was even looking at him.
Now who was avoiding things.
But really, Trauma was making a decent point. If this...if he was something Claudio wanted because he just happened to be closest or some sort of horrific reaction to Trauma dying then he didn't know what he was going to do about it.
If this was....
He wasn't even totally sure, but now that he was thinking about, he couldn't not think about it and....Goddamn it. Somewhere, someone in the universe was laughing at them.
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Date: 2014-09-14 04:58 am (UTC)Seriously, he didn't understand what was wanted here. He opened his eyes to look up at the other as he said all that, but he didn't really look mad, just... frustrated now.
"What do normal people do or think when someone tells them they might be in love with them? Do they normally turn it around and demand to know what to think? Cus if that's the case, I give up already, because I don't know what you're suppose to think."
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Date: 2014-09-14 07:04 pm (UTC)"'M not demanding." Trauma said finally, as if this was the main point. Which it isn't, and he knows it, but honestly he's not really sure what Claudio wants his response to be even and that is a problem according to Terry.
"And if you leave I wont see you again for another month." He said simply. ....So, maybe that whole avoiding thing left Terry a bit paranoid, okay? He's just now got the picture of why it happened, but because of Claudio's tendency towards flight...he's pretty sure it could happen again. And he's sick of it. Terry's got very few people he actively chooses to be around. And one of them treated him like he didn't exist for a while. So count him paranoid. Sorry.
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Date: 2014-09-14 07:22 pm (UTC)"Let's just... forget I said anything. I just... I know my apologies mean nothing to you, but I am sorry I didn't come to you first when I realized. I got scared I'd lose you to this one. Tried figuring it out myself and failed on that."
He moved to sit up off the floor, reaching back to rub his head, glaring still. "And I aint gonna go anywhere for a month."
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Date: 2014-10-05 05:01 am (UTC)And Then Terry gave him another sharper look because Claudio had made the move to leave more than once. And he didn't trust the timeframe no matter what Claudio said. He'd trust the guy with his life. But he'd also trust him to try and evade every emotional mess on the planet. Trauma really wanted to avoid it, too.
The world, however, was not a fair place.
"Why the fuck would you 'lose me'. I don't get that." Trauma said, quietly, moving to watch the floor and still sitting with his arms around his knees. "Even if I didn't get the powers crap and I didn't-"
"That doesn't make sense." He said, mostly because it didn't. Trauma wasn't going anywhere. And it wasn't like there was anything Claudio could do at this point to alienate him aside from just...deciding he didn't want Trauma around. If that had been the case, he'd have hated it, but he'd have respected it. But he really couldn't fathom the fact that Claudio had no concept of that or the fact that Trauma didn't...he wasn't good with people. Not really. Not one on one, and not when it came to himself. So he wouldn't be the one to end..whatever the fuck was apparently happening because Trauma was very confused right now and fuck the headache coming on was enough to make him want to just go to sleep and not wake up for a very long time. Possibly until after Jinx was back and could act as a human...ish buffer again.
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Date: 2014-10-05 05:47 am (UTC)He didn't say anything for a moment though, staring at the other for his comment. How... does he not understand the thought of losing the other. And over memory? Because honestly, memory is important and if Claudio had done that shit on purpose he damn well hopes (but doesn't but does) that Trauma wouldn't forgive him for that shit, because that's unforgivable.
So he looked blankly at him sitting there, staring at the floor, saying it doesn't make sense. He moved to come closer, looking confused more then anything now. Reaching out he put a hand on the others arm, coming to knee now in front of the other, knees at either side of the others toes. Trying to get a look at the others face, he found himself more startled by the comment then he expected.
"Are you kidding me right now? Fuckin' hell, Terry. If I did something like that on purpose you aren't... you can't just..." He huffed, not sure how to say it, because he wouldn't want him to leave but...
"You seriously would stay with me if I fucked with your head. On purpose. Like..." He frowned harder. "No." He stated, firmly, hoping to get the others attention. "If I had done that shit on purpose I'd be worse then scum, and I already feel like shit for doing it but... no, see... no. If someone does shit like that you don't stick around. Losing you would... it'd kill me, alright?"
And on a smaller breath of words, head tipped down, scowling down now too. "Don't be stupid. I mean, I wouldn't ever do it on purpose, but if I did, don't fuckin' be stupid."
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Date: 2014-10-05 06:32 am (UTC)Even when Claudio reached out for him, and even when he came in closer Trauma just continued staring at the floor.
"I know you wouldn't."
Which is probably the point. If he did think it, really, when he wasn't horrifically upset and terrified then he probably wouldn't consider it, but then on the other hand if it was something he really though Claudio would do....then he didn't really want to deal with that.
When he finally does look up he looks like he's trying to parse through about six or seven things at once, not much different from usual really, but he's thinking.
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Date: 2014-10-05 06:44 am (UTC)He lowered his eyes again, frowning as he spoke. "It scares me, that I could do something to lose you, but it scares me to think you'd put up with that kind of crap and just stick around. Why... would you?"
Because that didn't make sense. If Terry was purposely trying to scare him with his bogarty demon ability, he'd not want to stick around. Even if the other meant his world to him.
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Date: 2014-10-05 06:55 am (UTC)Normally they get by without actually having to talk about shit.
Can't this just be one of those times?
(Even though he'd been the one asking for them to talk ignorethatpart He clearly didn't know what he was talking about at the time. Why was Claudio the one with the ability to go through the floor? That wasn't fucking fair.)
"Don't be an idiot." Trauma said, clearly uncomfortable with the turn of conversation and dropping his eyes. Because he wasn't about to admit anything particularly difficult about himself right this second.
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Date: 2014-10-05 07:12 am (UTC)He wanted to drop through the floor now, frustrated, and the noise he made said he was frustrated by that comment. His hands tightened on the others arm, and he moved to half stand, leaning in to press a kiss to the top of the others head, before starting to stand fully.
"Fine." He said it softly, no bite to it at all. "We don't have to talk about it, or anything else right now. I'm sorry I didn't come to you when I freaked out. Clearly you need... I donno, time. So let me give it to you." He said and started to move again to go. Though back to their room and not the stairs.
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Date: 2014-10-06 05:37 am (UTC)He heard Claudio go back to their room and closed his eyes, trying to think.
He'd been given the time, Claudio wasn't going to pull another disappearing act.
That meant he had time.
Which to be honest didn't do him much good. He still had no clue what Claudio wanted him to do with the information, if he wanted Trauma to drop this or pursue it or even what that really meant. And if they did, what the hell was supposed to happen if one or the other or both of them fucked this up.
…Probably close to what had happened before this. And Trauma didn't know if he could do that. If bailing was an acceptable option, Trauma would have to cut this idea off now. He couldn't-…
There was no one he knew of that he knew better, or wanted to try to learn. That's what this kind of thing was supposed to mean, right?
He realized he'd probably been still a ridiculous amount of time when he noticed shadows crawl across the floor and how distracted he'd become, when he came into focus, the area around him recolored, and he sighed, standing up before he'd actually had the time to tell himself no.
When he went to their room, he knocked on the doorframe and waited to get Claudio's attention before starting to try and speak.
"I'm really...I'm not good at this." He started, not making eye contact. "You know that. I just...You're.."
Trauma stopped, closing his eyes and taking a breath again.
"I don't know why you'd even-..." Trauma started again, trailing off and looking frustrated with everything. Reason number one he wasn't sure why someone else would ever decide they were in love with him of all things. Let alone Claudio who was....He was reckless and bright and managed to be more open about pretty much everything than he was and how the hell- He didn't get it.
"Claudio, I can't promise I wouldn't fuck up?" He said finally. A little helpless and not anything near making eye contact. "And I'd need…I'd really need you to promise not to shut me out like that again but…"
Trauma shrugged, and tried to actually look at him, remembering this was his best friend, that was apparently in love with him and so he had to be willing to give Terry the benefit of the doubt ...right? Terry basically stood awkwardly in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest and trying not to freak out about how even after everything this was apparently the decision he was willing to make and how he couldn't just fucking say it and Jesus Christ what the hell was wrong with him and why did he think this was all a good idea and fuck...
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Date: 2014-10-06 05:59 am (UTC)He didn't want anything from the other, so he couldn't tell him what he needed Trauma to think. That wasn't fair to either of them anyhow. He wasn't sure if he wanted the other to say he loved him back or just to say it wasn't going to work, or to tell him to please not ruin this friendship. Or anything. He didn't know if he wanted it to simple be nodded to, pat on the head and call it a day. Hell if he knew. All he knew was he had said it. Said it twice really, and wished he hadn't.
In their space, he moved to flop out on the bed, laying there belly down and face in his own pillow, eyes closed.
He had no idea how long it took the other before he came in, but he rolled over and half lay there half sat up as Terry came in and spoke.
He blinked, head tilting a bit as he was told that he can't promise not to fuck things up. "I wasn't asking you to promise me anything. Promises in things like this are always tricky anyhow. I... promised someone..." Newo.... "that I'd never leave and... I did. Maybe not by choice, but I did. Fucked that up. Broke a promise too." he rubbed the back of his head, frowning and staring at the ceiling.
"I can promise to try to... not be so pig headed? To not shut you out again. Can't say I'm not going to freak out though but... way I see it..." he rubbed both hands over his face now. He felt stupid. "Way I see it, we've practically been dating for a while now. Just never really noticed."
What? it was true! They acted like a strange odd couple more then he and Newo had. It was kind of gross, in an interesting way. Staring at his feet no he sighed. "I swear though... if I freak out again, I'll let you in on it. These last few weeks haven't been easy on me either." He had been so stupid.
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Date: 2015-11-28 05:55 am (UTC)He couldn't think of anyone else on the planet, or really any planet that held the same place.
Terry seemed to take a very long moment, just watching him before finally walking across the room and sitting down on the edge of the bed with his feet on the floor and he began picking at the polish on his nails once he'd settled, trying to figure out exactly what he was doing or how he was even going to say it.
"This couple weeks literally sucked. I can't do that again. ...I can't." It takes him a moment, because that took a lot of effort to say even without looking at Claudio, because it's still hard to talk about himself in any real way and harder still to admit when something hurt him.
"I thought I'd-" He pauses, and open and closes his mouth a couple times like he's trying to figure it out. "I thought. That It'd finally been too much, that I'd-"
That I'd been too much, that everything had been too much to take.
"So... " He says awkwardly, before shrugging, and looking back down at his hands. It's a little hard to admit how that's still a sticking point in his brain and how hard it managed to crash what little self esteem he tended to cling to on a good day. It's a little easier now knowing why, but it's still difficult to talk to through, harder to explain, but it needs to be out of the way before he goes along with anything else or explains anything else.
"There's that but..." Terry is more than a little helpless when he comes to this sort of stuff, and he sort of half nods before continuing. "If if you wanted to I- ....I mean -"
Oh god. Talking is fucking hard, and it's more than a little obvious that he's not exactly making it on the talking front in the slightest, and dear fucking god, Claudio save him from his own inability to behave like a fucking human.
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Date: 2017-06-29 08:15 am (UTC)Which wasn't the best at all, but it was them. It was how they did things.
The worst way possible.
Claudio let Trauma try and talk. The fact that Trauma thought that he had been too much for Claudio at last felt bad too. As if that was something that could ever be.
Claudio said nothing for a moment, just letting Terry have the time or the moment if he needed, to try to get words out. He honestly couldn't figure out how to fix anything. In his mind this entire conversation was a complete mess filled with mixed signals and miscommunications. Yet he wanted to be here.
Pulling himself a bit closer on the bed, he moved to where Trauma was seated, scooting in behind him and... leaned forward. Pressing his forehead to the others back and rested it there. His fingers reached out to hook into belt loops at the back of the others pants, as if to hold onto him a bit with out being too... clingy? Too close? His fingers curled, tightening a moment as he took in a small breath.
"I wont avoid you like that again." He said more firmly now. A promise to the other. He leaned a bit heavier into him, eyes closed and let out a small breath. He could... deal with him not wanting him, but he couldn't deal with not being around him. It had sucked for him and it apparently have been worse for Terry.
He leaned there, eyes closed, not sure what Trauma wanted to get across with what else he was saying. If Claudio wanted to? Wanted to... what? It was terrible. He just wanted to curl his arms around the other, close his eyes, and pretend nothing had happened. It was dumb, he knew that much, but he wished he hadn't of messed up.
It had felt like they had been dating for years now though. He couldn't get past that feelings. Maybe it was just him though. Maybe it was just his mind making up things he wished to see. And maybe... he shouldn't want to wrap himself around Trauma and protect him, especially not when he was the one that hurt him last. "If I wanted what?"
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Date: 2017-06-30 04:47 am (UTC)Clearly many things.
Terry half turned to look at him, not shoving him off in any way, but it's very hard to have a conversation with someone behind you. Not that...he hadn't kind of started that. The position was a little awkward, though it's pretty clear that he's mostly just trying to get some attempt at eye contact or something, and isn't trying to hard to make Claudio back up.
As for words...if he could've found a way to do it without being absolutely impossible he might've bitched about being forced to actually say it, but then, most of the time people are telling him to use his words.
Instead of whatever it is he does. Mostly not talking.
He stopped and started a couple times, without actually saying anything and mostly just making himself look kind of ridiculous by failing at the very basic life skill of opening ones mouth and having words come out.
Finally he just made a very irritated sound, and forced himself into words.
"Apparently we've tried dating without actually knowing we were doing it so, maybe we should try actually....knowing about it."
........Oh, and the look on Terry's face is kind of magical at the moment because clearly that was not as smooth or clear as he hoped for and now is mentally kicking himself because wow. Trauma. Low point in communication. Even for you.
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Date: 2017-06-30 05:12 am (UTC)You tell him to 'come back' or 'don't dart off and go invisible you little shit' and he literally can ignore that a person said anything at all. Grab his arm however and things got real. Things connected in his head in a way that he was reminded he needed to stay where he was and not make a run for it. The sooner 'someone' learned that trick he'd have an easier time of keeping the invisa boy around in an argument. Sort of. It's not a rule set in stone, but it is something.
It was grounding for him. Contact made something in his head connect.
Like now. Simply being closer and knowing that Trauma didn't just hate him helped, yes, but the fact that he didn't shove him away helped more. At first when the other moved, Claudio did almost draw back, face starting to burn a bit in a blush. Except he realized he wasn't being pushed away. His fingers flexed tighter on belt loops a moment again, before he turned his head to look up at the other.
A brow raised as he watched Ter try to say things and then not. Then the irritated sound made him sit up a bit, drawing away, though he kept his tiny hold on the other still, looking confused for a moment as he started to actually speak.
He blinked... then smiled faintly, relaxing just a bit more, realizing he had tensed up the moment the other actually tried to speak.
A soft chuckled might have been heard, faint and small. "Did you just ask me on a date?" He said with the faintest smile. It was true. The more he thought about it, the more it seemed like they had already been dating. But then again, that's how best friends work too, right? Except the whole sharing a space, a bed sometimes, and being around each other all the damn time.
Moved into a bigger home. Still shared a room. Who does that?
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Date: 2017-06-30 06:08 am (UTC)Frankly Terry had no idea what he's doing, so any assistance would honestly be appreciated. It's strangely a little easier now that he can actually see Claudio's reaction. About 90% of the time he tried to avoid any and all eye contact, but in this...as kind of with most things, Claudio seems to be the exception.
Wow. Okay. How pathetic are they?
Terry attempted something like a smile that mostly just comes out as an odd mix between cringing at himself and his usual inability to behave like a normal person. Having seemed to have realized that failed miserably Terry's eyes darted down and away.
He was clearly at something of a loss, but then, when it comes to his own stuff, and his own emotional baggage, when wasn't he.
"Yeah." He said, finally, more like a connection to the last train of thought than out of the blue, even if it took him....a really really long moment to actually say it. "I did."
He's not 100% sure where he stands yet, he's really not, because he's only had a little while to think and, lets face it, Trauma is a little (there really is no other word for it, unfortunately, and as always that fact makes his life difficult)... traumatized. The word love is likely not happening any time soon. Honestly, though he's sure he literally would do pretty much anything for Claudio and that the list of people he'd feel comfortable even going near the idea of dating or whatever is painfully small and would've likely included him had Terry not gone for immediately crushing any and all emotions that could lead to vulnerability and trying to ignore them for all he's worth.
Healthy? No.
A decent survival trait? Yes.
But he's willing to at least.....attempt. To look into what that could be like. Chances are, if they haven't murdered each other yet, they're not going to, and Claudio probably wont just....
If things go bad, the chances are bad will include someone going home more than one or the other of them deciding they hate each other, so there's that.
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Date: 2017-06-30 06:52 am (UTC)Ever.
He didn't want to make a big deal out of it though. It wasn't... a big deal. Right? After all, it's just them going to go do something together, like normal. As he said, it's like they've been dating with out knowing it. There was no reason to make a big deal out of anything.
Yet he still smiled about it, drawing a hand back to rub at his face, trying to hide the smile a bit by touching his stupid nose as if checking it. Head down a bit he gave a nod. "Yeah. Sure. That would be cool."
In truth, he still thought the other should be mad at him. Should hit him a few more times even. He was pretty sure that this shouldn't be okay, and that he should just apologize and fade out of the world.
He needed to get out of that train of thought, but it was still there. He hurt Trauma, he killed a man, and he just... kept getting worse. Yet here he was, a small smile on his face, feeling dumbly warm because Terry asked him on a date. He felt so dumb, but okay with it.
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