thecrowingtobe | Open RP Post

He still looked shocked as the other said that about trust and telling him or even Jinx. That they know. It... it was true, sure, but he had freaked out. Hadn't dealt well with it. Once he knew he felt like a monster. Go figure.

And here he had Trauma on the floor, avoiding him and sitting on the floor like it was the end of their world.

Maybe it was.

He opened his mouth to say something. That he killed someone. That he had hurt someone and that it was his fault and how could he tell Trauma that he lost his temper again and killed someone, and yet felt WORSE about changing Terry's mind because he didn't know how to change it back. That right there made him terrible and he knows it.

The other didn't want him near though, did he. He had moved to stand, then moved to just... kneel near by, but leaving him space. His hand moved to rub at his nose, the blood slowed by now, but he still looked a hot mess for sure.

"Ter..." He said softly, voice cracking a moment as he choked back what felt like tears trying to attack. "Terry... I'm sorry. I am. It wasn't that I.... I didn't mean to... to treat you like that."

He reached a hand out, but stopped. The other wouldn't want him around, or close, let alone touch him. And his hand was bloody anyhow. He drew back more and rubbed at his nose with the other sleeve. "I... panicked. When I realized what happened. HOW i realized what happened... I panicked." And he knows if he was around Terry or even Jinx too long he'd spill the beans. Hell, when Jinx tried talking to him he almost cried it out to her but... not so close to her wedding. No.

"Please... please don't hate me. I'm ..." Sorry, yeah. And he wanted to say more but... but he's so scared the other would really hate him after that.

He watched Claudio out the corner of his eye while he went through the motions of getting down to his level. He half flinched when Claudio reached out to him, glaring at him through his hair to try and continue keeping him back, but as Claudio talked he found himself worrying in spite of everything

And then Trauma rolled his eyes in spite of himself because really.

"I don't...I can't hate you. Where would you even-" Trauma can't fathom the idea okay? And considering how horrible he feels he's pretty sure there's no way he could. If he could, he would shrug this off. Like another person fucking up was a new thing in his life. Seriously. The reason he even was angry, fighting like this at all was because he couldn't.

"If you didn't know, how'd you find out?" He asked, finally. Sounding tired and mostly just distanced. Though his eyes were blue again when he looked at him.

Yeaaahhh, he completely stayed back now, rolling back to his butt on the bed and wrapping bloody hands around his knees again, eyes closed a moment and pressing his nose into his knee. Damn it. Upset him so much that he doesn't even want him around. Doesn't want him near him. Why wouldn't he hate him?

How could he not hate him, he didn't get that. HE hated himself for this.

He rested his head on a knee and bounced it heard, frowning. "I think I killed someone...."

What, was that too vague? Oh look, short sentences. Make him understand?

"What." Trauma said, very very confused. Short Sentences. That didn't mean 'not helpful sentences' it meant 'please be clear'.

"What do you mean "you think you killed someone". You don't know?" Trauma asked, unsure, and watching him carefully.

After a moment Trauma rolled his eyes again and grabbed the box of tissues from off the dresser and shoved them at him.

"Here."

He now was starting to feel bad for decking Claudio in the face. God fucking knew why, considering everything. But he did. So he attempted the loosest form of help, glaring the whole while.

He didn't move at first, just sat there, pressing his nose in his jeans now, letting that stop it. His shirt was a mess, and it would stop; here shortly. Some day he would be able to just pretend it didn't hurt and it wouldn't. That would be nice.

"I mean that guy... that jumped off SERO tower?" He said, wondering if the other saw the news some time back, if not he had it saved in guilt. He blinked as he heard 'here' and looked up at him. He frowned, then reached out to grab the tissues, dropping back again and rubbing at his nose, eyes down. "I think I told him to do it."

And because he said it the words just kept coming. "He was picking on someone the night before and I stepped in and there was an arguement and I got all angry and said shit I didn't want to say and told him to Jump off the SERO tower for all i care, and the next day there was that and the guy was the same guy, I swear."

His hand and the tissue rubbed at his face, eyes closed.

"So yeah... figured it out then. Figured it out and freaked out and realized it wasn't the first time and then realized you were and that didn't stand well for me and then I realized that I couldn't be trusted and there was no way you guys could, because who knows if I've done it before or not. This could be a major problem, and it's not me avoiding you because I don't... cus I don't.... I'm not avoiding you because I don't love you or something, but because I don't ever want to do that to you again and I don't know what would set it off."

"That's...Jesus." Trauma sat there staring at him and sitting forward so he could get a better picture of what was happening.

"You couldn't've known that was going to happen." He said calmly, before pausing again. "Claudio. That? That was...That's a power fuck up. That's not something you could've..."

He stopped again helplessly, unsure how to help with that part, though he was still unsure and angry about the rest.

"Just because you've got a fucked up power doesn't mean you're not trustworthy it means you have to be more careful." Trauma said....knowing this part from far too much experience.

"What-.....Even if you say you trust me? You didn't." Trauma finally got his thought out, watching him evenly and trying to resist the urge to be more helpful. He was still hurt, and he wasn't letting this go. Not that easily. "And after you figured it out you still didn't-"

Trauma stopped, and paused.

Because suddenly something occurred to him in a way that hadn't before and even though by this point, they had both mentioned it, Trauma had been caught up in just throwing things in Claudio's face and he said it so offhandedly- What.

"And were you just...never going to tell me what happened." Terry paused, and looked a little more confused. Because this was not exactly what he'd expected out of this conversation. Yet, here he was. "Or that you're in love with me?"

He sat there, keeping his distance from the other mostly because he was sure the other needed it. Wanted it. Didn't want him close. He could understand why, really.

"Yeah, I know. More fuckin' powers. More fuck ups. I keep getting them. I don't know what it is I keep getting but I get them. Memory alteration is not something I wanted. And it doesn't make sense to me that the guy jumped off that tower. I said go d it but I didn't alter his memory. And memory is a past thing, not a now things and..."

He growled, running hands over his face. They smelled of burnt copper and oil. God damn it. He had to shut up. Rambling was a hard problem and he did too much of it.

Hiding behind his hands still he heard the pauses here and there. And the fact that he thinks he doesn't trust him. "That's... not it at all. I do trust you." He felt confused on why that was even a question. He didn't... tell the other not because he didn't trust him. He didn't tell him cus he was scared, period. He doesn't do things well when scared.

"I... was trying to tell you. Tried to tell you a few times but things kept happening, then I lost my nerve." It was easier to say he loved the other then to tell him he was a world class ass and fucked with his brain and didn't even realize it.

His voice went softer though, hiding his eyes more down and away. A mumble of "Yeah, well... figured you already... figured that last part out."

"Maybe it's not actually the memory maybe it's...I don't know you said something about..."

Something about forgetting, was the rest of that sentence, but he stopped and his eyes glazed for a second as the order kicked in in his brain again. He'd been told to forget. And he forgot. Again. For all of a moment before shaking it off like he'd never been talking at all. Trying to access the moment had redirected and his eyes had flickered for all of a moment as he suddenly refocused. Looking confused but continuing on.

"Kind of did, yeah. I remember....mostly, it's really-" Trauma frowned. It was like the memory was trying to slide away when he went too near it. But it was there. He remembered getting yelled at, he remembered the kiss and the confession and then...nothing.

Like that part wasn't uncovered yet. or just didn't exist. Who knew.

It felt weird and he couldn't quiet get through to everything in that section of his memory.

"You thought I'd just never say anything about it again?" He said finally. "You told me, and I just...never said anything? And it took you until something else went insane to notice there was something wrong with that?"

"Not sure what it is." He mumbled something about being 'too dumb' to figure it out. Oh well. He stayed seated there the entire time, not looking at the other, hiding his face in his knees, face no longer bleeding, just messy. The blood drying in some places, crackling on his face.

For Claudio he was starting ot lose track of the conversation though. He was saying he tried to tell Trauma about what he thought might have happened, after he figured it out, bu he never did. Or had he? He's not sure now.

Fingers through his hair he pulled on it a bit in frustration. The thought he might never say anything about it again? Yeah, actually... "The thought had crossed my mind, year. I mean, you mean the... ah, thing, with the feelings, or do you mean the thing with the ... ah, suggestions? Oh god, what the hell is it that I do now..."

Because yes, he did think that maybe that was that. He said he loved him and that was the end of that.

Trauma made a face that amounted to '....well.'

"I was talking about the feelings part but the suggestions thing...that might be something to ask Ma-....Michael about."

Every so often, Trauma would just pause over that one. Magneto was magneto. And it still was freaking confusing. And irritating. But then, everything was irritating him right this moment, so now was not the time to worry about it.

"Or we can see what it does." Trauma said shrugging. "Try and figure out what triggers it, use Gabriel as a failsafe."

This was not the sanest suggestion Trauma had ever made, but he had also been living with Jinx and Claudio for years. They were a terrible influence.

"...But you seriously thought I'd just....drop that. Like it didn't exist?" He said, a little offended and not really honestly certain why.

"Not sure I want to talk to Michael about these ether. And I don't think I can tell Jinx at all. She'd freak out." And he didn't want to tell Trauma, though he was working on it still. He just... he didn't want to scare him. Because it scared Claudio a lot too.

"Not sure Gabe can keep his mouth shut either..." So it was a good idea but maybe not a good one as well. It... worried him, a bit.

All of this did, actually.

But his heart was stuck more on the other part. "I..." he wasn't sure. Maybe? Maybe he would ignore it? So maybe he didn't trust in that. It's more a trust of not trusting his own life. He shrugged his shoulder and peeked off at the other over his knees. Frowning. Looking over at the other again. "Just wasn't sure if... I don't know. I... honestly don't know."

And a smaller... "I panicked..."

"Magneto's got more experience with strange fucking powers than anyone here. And he's...he likes you guys. So..." Trauma shrugged. He really didn't have a better answer than that. And not trying to figure out what was wrong with this was just going to mean it was going to happen again.

"....So we don't tell Jinx or Gabriel you used it on me." He wasn't sure that was the best answer, that he had, but neither of them were too worried about most people, and so they could use that to their advantage. "And then she'll probably be pretty calm."

"You panicked." Trauma deadpanned, watching his as if he wasn't exactly sure what had happened in this moment. Claudio looked so nervous about the whole thing he wasn't even sure what to do. "Because I forgot? Or because you said anything?

"yeah, I suppose." He said simply to Michael. Maybe that was at least a better idea then telling Jinx or Gabe right away. Then again... he'd have to tell them at some point, wouldn't he? Shit. God damn.

"Still think she'll freak out a bit. This power sucks. It's the worst one yet." He hissed, almost pulling hair as he did. So frustrated with it. "Terry, I'm sorry. I don't know what the hell triggered it, other than being angry. You know I'd never use it on you on purpose though, right?"

Or so he helped he knew.

As for that last part, he froze for a moment, then said softly. "I... didn't really realize that you forgot. More just kind of... thought you didn't want to talk about it." Yes, Trauma, he is that pathetic. And yes, it's because he said anything. He panicked because he said something and Terry didn't bring it up again, so he didn't mention it ever again, even after he realized.

Trauma watched him for a long moment before nodding. Before today, there wouldn't've been any question. But between the freaking out Claudio was still doing and the actual apology, Trauma believed him.

There would be no fucking helping him if Claudio ever did something like this on purpose, Trauma would just fucking let him apparently. Fuck.

Terry just watched him for a long moment, looking confused and now actually showing that he was very unsettled by the idea that Claudio actually thought he'd do that. He wasn't sure if they needed to have a talk about Claudio's opinions of his own life or his opinions of Trauma's behavior because one of them needed to happen and Trauma wasn't totally sure which one.

"....Seriously?"

It was more likely that it needed to be about Claudio's opinion of his own life, because when he gets into a bad place these things happen. And that last power was pretty much a bad place for him. It came on all at once. He hurt someone over it, and he hurt the person he loved most as well. Which was oddly the point he was most upset about, which was bad because he should be more upset over the fact that he had someone killed. That was going to haunt him for a while.

Seriously? Yeah. He rolled out backwards, flopping out on his bed and staring at the ceiling. A god damn mess, and his nose hurt. His face hurt. Thanks for that.

"I... panicked." He said again, then let out a deep sigh. "I don't know. Maybe? Maybe you changed your mind, or... I don't know. I wasn't in the best of places recently, okay?"

"I didn't get the chance to make an opinion in the first place." Trauma pointed out, and this was very important in his opinion, and he hoped it was correct because if he'd already worked though some of this and forgotten it? That wasn't fair.

Trauma watched Claudio flop back and sat there watching him for a long moment. And he kind of felt even worse for hitting him now. Because Claudio looked freaked, and he was being....really quiet. And Trauma didn't know what to do with that. At least he hadn't tried to leave. Terry would've chased him down for it.

".....What's the deal with that anyway?" He finally asked after a moment longer.

He flinched a bit at that first comment, bringing both hands to rest on his forehead and press in a bit. Damn it, he really doesn't like this whole conversation. He kind of wished it was over wit--Oh GOD don't go wishing things, what if it's a wishing curse and that would suck.

He lay there on Trauma's bed, hands in his face and yeah, looking pretty pathetic, huh. "Deal? With... ah..." He swallowed back, trying to find the words. "With saying I think I might kind of love you?" Oh god that sounded dumb, so his arms slipped over, crisscrossed over his face to hide it. "Cus if that's it, it's just kind of... I don't know. Sort of happened."

"...sorry."

"....Why are you apologizing?" He said. Before amending. "About that."

Apologizing for feeling a certain way just...was uncomfortable to Terry in about sixteen different ways and he didn't like it.

He sat there, against the wall with his arms across his knees, watching his best friend panic and twist himself up and Trauma wasn't exactly sure what to do about it.

"Claudio." He said finally, watching him from across the room, tired himself and wary of everything that had happened. "You think?"

He let out a urg like sound, and he knows he apologizes too much and he knows it bothers the other. He didn't reply to that then. He just lay there a moment trying to process his mind a bit.

Which lead to him laying there silent a while longer. God he was a mess, he should go clean up in the bathroom.

"No." He said in reply, thinking the comment was more about if he thinks or not. "I don't. I never think." A huff of words.

Terry glared at him from across the room. Because honestly. Really. That was not freaking helpful. He rolled his eyes dramatically.

"I meant." He said, "You think you're in love with me?"

That sounded uncertain and frankly Trauma was just confused at this point and had no idea if Claudio was hedging or actually meant it or what and Trauma wasn't sure what he meant by it or what he wanted Claudio to mean by it- He'd kissed him, back before the memory had been erased. What was that supposed to- Fuck. Count on Claudio to throw his head into circles.

If Claudio looked up, he'd find Trauma watching him warily from his place by the door, blue eyed, but uncertain.

Oh.

He blinked and rolled over on his side more, so he can tuck his head into his arm and peek out at the other. Bloody faced or not, he watched for a moment. Did he think he was in love with him?

Why would he say it. A few times no less.

Oh god unless he needed not to say it.

Nope, not going to panic over this one.

He stared for a while, as if considering it for a bit, then sat up, sniffing his nose as he stated at the other.

...

"Yes."

But in typical Claudio fashion, he got up and fazed out, invisible taking off out of the room.

He didn't GO far though. The sound of water in the bathroom sink was running as was the sound of heavier breathing and also splashing water. He was cleaning his face and cooling off a moment's panick. Because seriously, what if now he didn't want to think of the other that way?

Trauma was stuck staring off into nothing as Claudio disappeared, and if he didn't hear the water in the bathroom to know where he'd gone, well it wouldn't've been Trauma's fault if he'd decided decking him again was a good idea.

What kind of a fucking thing was that. Telling someone you were in love with them then running the fuck away wasn't exactly rational or reasonable behavior and fuck why the hell would he do that and-

"...Are you fucking kidding me?" Trauma said into the empty room before getting up and making his way over into the bathroom.

"....Can you not do that?" He said as he came around the corner, seeing Claudio at the counter and feeling the need to shake him. "The disappearing act in the middle of talking? Not okay."

He looked half terrified and Trauma just watched him in the mirror.

"Can you..." Trauma paused, having actually gotten a decent look at him and winced. Because that actually did look painful. And he'd been there. Even if Claudio did kind of deserve it. "Fuck. I'm sorry. Are you..."

Okay. ....Well. That was a terrible attempt. No, clearly he wasn't okay. But that was the sort of thing people said. So Trauma let it trail off helplessly.

"SOrr--No, not sorry. I mean not for saying it. Or meaning it. Just... for running off." He said, taking in a breath and holding a cloth over his face, the eyes he gave Trauma were pathetic, pleading for him to not be upset at him for this.

He sighed again, leaning over the sink and rubbing the cloth over his face. Taking off a mess a he cleaned up. And yeah, there was a bit of a bruise.

"Panicked. I don't know. I'm stupid. I don't know why you let me hang around." He admitted, wringing out the cloth and... peeking at him in the mirror. He'd found it a lot harder NOT to stare at the other while he was simply... being. The beating of his heart, the lightness of his head. He'd found it all harder to deal with at times, especially lately.

"Sorry for running off." He said at last, in what he had meant. For running off, not for saying yet. "And yeah... I'll be fine." The last part was mumbled. He deserved the hit anyhow.

Trauma frowned as he began to apologize because it really did unsettle him but then nodded once the explanation had been given because yes, that was a dick move. Just because you could go through walls did not mean it was nice to do so and leave other people confused and wondering what the fuck.

Terry watched him through the mirror again frowning as Claudio spoke and eventually moving forward to lean against the counter so he could actually watch Claudio and not a mirror, his arms crossed and his expression level. There wasn't much space so they were practically bumping into each other and Trauma didn't even notice, even with his reluctance earlier.

"Stop." He said, finally. "I'm- It's okay."

"You need to actually breathe."

He felt the other come in behind him and move in beside him, leaning on the space near the skin, on the sink, something like that. All he noticed was he was close. He could take in the smell of Trauma more then blood now, and there was almost a warmth coming off the colder then normal guy near by. God... he felt pathetic for noticing all that.

He washed still, hearing Trauma talk. Telling him to stop. To Breath. "I know I don't... make things easy, but your not much better." He said, much more calm sounding, though also muffled because he was talking through the wash cloth a he tried to wash up.

"I am breathing." He said a moment later, more to remind himself to do the same thing.

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