I was just going to... try to get my head back in some form of order, maybe? I don't know. [he frowned, sitting up on the couch now, both the heels of his boots were digging into the edge and his elbows on his knees, hiding a bit as he lowered him self in, comfortable, with his hands on his head. Oh god, why was he opening his mouth.]

I wasn't going to avoid you forever. Just until I could talk myself out of you, is all. Which is stupid, I know, but I got no one else to talk to about it so talking myself out of it wasn't going to work either. Talking to Jinx? No way. "Ewww, Diooo. Incest!" [he said it in his best Jinx voice... which isn't that bad] Gabe? Not really. Not taking it to the others either. [Michael would be encouraging, he was sure.]

But the more I tried to talk myself out of it anyhow the more I kept thinking on it and the more it seemed wrong to try. Which--okay, I'm lost on my own conversation. Look what I'm trying to say is this. I went on dates. I sat there finding them boring, and they really werent, but they were. I'd sit there wondering what you were doing, or god, texting you some bullshit comments cus I could. Or being glad a date was over so I could come back to the apartment, be grouchy, and flop down and bitch about it with you.

And yeah, I know that sounds a lot like just, you know, friends stuff, but it's not. I mean, it is but... hhhng. [he pressed his hands harder into his head, as if it would fix his jumbled thoughts.] Just... trust me. It's more then 'you're my best friend' thing going on here.